it hurts

morale is low!  i have had one hell of a shock to my soleus (i think) and i don't know what the hell i'm going to do.  i took a break from running since last saturday's 16 miler to swim and spin at the gym instead.  then yesterday, i was feeling pretty good hauling around quickly at work so i decided to head out last night for 7 miles.  it felt so good to be out there... well, not really.  my lungs and my overall being felt good but my right calf and ankle felt pretty bad.  granted, once the blood and endorphin cocktail started flowing, the leg felt better but this morning presented with its hangover aftermath.  it hurts really badly and i know that means i need to wait even longer before i run again.  there is a long 18 miler tomorrow and i suppose today's events during work will guide my decision on whether i should attempt that feat.  don't get me wrong, i'm sure i have no business doing something so stupid with a leg working like this but i want to run boston like i've never wanted to run any other race.  i'm going to get another PT at the clinic to do some posterior mobs on my talocrural joint because i think that's what will really help.  it's funny because no one there has really offered to truly help me.  they listen to my story and shake their head but what would be fantastic is if they were to say, "oh laura, let me evaluate you so we can get to the bottom of this, you wonderful student, you!"  so far, no such luck.  so my social outlet is at steak and so is my musculoskeletal health of my right leg.  swimming and spinning doesn't hurt it at all so i guess i need to stop being such an idiot and just stick with them for a week... 2 weeks?  definitely 4 but who's going to actually follow THAT recommendation?!  i'm so happy today is friday.  the weeks are flying by.  i have 3 more weeks left at this clinic and then i'm free!  it will be nothing but a distant (hopefully forgetful) memory.  the people in the running group will undoubtedly be missed; that is, if i ever see them again.  i feel so lucky to have met such embracing figures who have been so generous with their kindness towards myself.  i need a miracle for this leg.