it hurts

morale is low!  i have had one hell of a shock to my soleus (i think) and i don't know what the hell i'm going to do.  i took a break from running since last saturday's 16 miler to swim and spin at the gym instead.  then yesterday, i was feeling pretty good hauling around quickly at work so i decided to head out last night for 7 miles.  it felt so good to be out there... well, not really.  my lungs and my overall being felt good but my right calf and ankle felt pretty bad.  granted, once the blood and endorphin cocktail started flowing, the leg felt better but this morning presented with its hangover aftermath.  it hurts really badly and i know that means i need to wait even longer before i run again.  there is a long 18 miler tomorrow and i suppose today's events during work will guide my decision on whether i should attempt that feat.  don't get me wrong, i'm sure i have no business doing something so stupid with a leg working like this but i want to run boston like i've never wanted to run any other race.  i'm going to get another PT at the clinic to do some posterior mobs on my talocrural joint because i think that's what will really help.  it's funny because no one there has really offered to truly help me.  they listen to my story and shake their head but what would be fantastic is if they were to say, "oh laura, let me evaluate you so we can get to the bottom of this, you wonderful student, you!"  so far, no such luck.  so my social outlet is at steak and so is my musculoskeletal health of my right leg.  swimming and spinning doesn't hurt it at all so i guess i need to stop being such an idiot and just stick with them for a week... 2 weeks?  definitely 4 but who's going to actually follow THAT recommendation?!  i'm so happy today is friday.  the weeks are flying by.  i have 3 more weeks left at this clinic and then i'm free!  it will be nothing but a distant (hopefully forgetful) memory.  the people in the running group will undoubtedly be missed; that is, if i ever see them again.  i feel so lucky to have met such embracing figures who have been so generous with their kindness towards myself.  i need a miracle for this leg.

26: day 1

it's my birthday today.  what does that mean?  i'm not sure.  this morning, i was so excited at my clinical because all of my patients are getting better and they were all a pleasure to work with.  then i got off... i tried to go running at mt. airy, a park i haven't visited yet, and a deep muscle in my calf (i'm guessing maybe flexor hallicis or one of the other deep flexors) is incredibly sore.  so sore that i felt like i was limping.  since i forgot to bring a watch and i felt like it wasn't a pain i should run through, i stopped after thirty minutes.  so that was discouraging.  then i went home, did laundry, and ate a big lunch with salmon.  i headed out to cash a check, which didn't work since none of my banks are around here, and then headed to a little gallery/boutique i've been wanting to check out.  they were closed even though the sign said they were open until 6 so that was a bummer.  since i was out and had no desire to go back home once again, i headed to my favorite coffee shop downtown, coffee emporium, and here i am.  i don't want to dwell on being alone; there is no sense in that.  but i would be lying if i were to say i'm not thinking about it.  my time spent here is trying at times but i'm making the most of it.  thank goodness i have friends and family that have been shooting me messages all day to remind me that sometimes i run through their minds at least a fraction of how much they run through mine.  my racing mind gets me sometimes.  it makes me impatient.  tonight i'm going to go to a jazz club despite how nervous it makes my mom.  hell, it makes me nervous too.  but i can't let nerves stop me from celebrating the fact that i'm still ticking.  i can do this.

it's the freakin weekend

after attending yet another very early meeting that wasn't very inclusive for physical therapists, i discovered that our first patient isn't until 9:30 so away i went to go hide in a starbucks for a while.  so what if i've already had two cups of coffee?!  today concludes two weeks of survival in cincinnati and things are looking up.  yes, the weather is still a drag, which is complimented by the snow, but i'm getting used to it.  i have tried diverting my energy elsewhere to pass the time.  the running group i joined here is my saving grace.  the members are very friendly and extremely enthusiastic about running with each other.  their positive energy is exactly the remedy i needed.  unfortunately, the true reason i came here is not holding itself up to the preconceived standard i had imagined but i'm starting to think i have a different purpose for being here.  i have found a coffee shop that's right up my alley downtown called 'coffee emporium' and there are a few websites i've been checking out to see what's going on during the weekends.  i've been so busy preparing for a stupid practice exam and writing a case study due at the end of the month that i haven't been able to go out feeling guilt-free.  sure, it's the guilt that's keeping me from going out, or it could be that i don't know where to go!  i prefer the first excuse.  when those two projects are all said and done, i will be more adventurous.  therefore, i declare february my month of exploration.  that would make january the month of cramming to make up for procrastination and realizing that being alone could actually be a good thing just as long as i don't think about the fact that i am indeed alone.  oh yeah, and it's my birthday month.  a big piece to loneliness is how you think about it.  as long as i'm optimistic and patient, it's kind of fun.  optimism is something that comes naturally for me but i'm graced with patience depending on the day... or the weather... or the song that happens to be playing.  there are parts of cincinnati that remind me of richmond and that's been very comforting to me.  and now zero 7 is playing over the speakers, which is even more comforting!  there are some really old parts with charming antique buildings and earlier this week i saw an overlook of the ohio river and kentucky for the first time.  i'm so glad today's friday and even happier that this week has flown by so quickly.  everything is going to be juuuust fine.

a start in cincinnati

so i skipped a few weeks, but here's the update.  i spent the holiday with my family for two weeks, saw a lot of friends, ran through parts of newport news park that i never knew existed, the noland trail, and a long run at the yorktown battlefields.  all of those runs made me so much more appreciative of the 757 area.  i always had plenty of bad things to say about the area but it's about time i started seeing things i really enjoyed.  we were blasted with a little over a foot of snow the day after christmas but my parents gave me some grippy things to put on my shoes for christmas so i could run through the icy roads without  busting my ass.  i went to richmond for new years eve and started the trek to cincinnati new years day.  9 hours through virginia, west virginia, and cincinnati wore me out!  but the countryside was wonderful and there were so many times i wanted to stop and get out to explore an abandoned house.  that's a pretty dangerous idea, i know, but exciting nonetheless.  i stopped to get gas in west virginia at this tiny local convenient store with two verrry old pumps.  i went inside to ask if they even worked because there was no advertising for gas outside.  the woman rolled her eyes at me, which immediately made me feel like a spoiled brat for asking.  but seriously, these pumps were the dialog kind where the numbers flip.

anyhow, so now i'm in cincinnati and it's hump day; midway through my first week.  i have been trying to make it through the hills with each run but they are quick to beat me up.  i went to a running store yesterday and joined their training team for a marathon that i'm not going to run but i needed a way to meet people more than anything.  the guy that was in charge of it all was pretty much an asshole and charged me $30 dollars to join them for 2 months of training in which i don't receive any of their stupid perks: a tshirt, hat, socks, and a store discount.  so what the hell am i paying for?  his greediness, that's what.  i don't know how to deal with people that are unbelievably unpleasant so after going back and forth with him, i had to go out to my car, get a little upset, go get gas, come back, and finally agree to sign up.  looking at the training schedule, their long runs are no where near what i'm doing now.  the guy says there is a smaller boston training group that does their own thing so, by god, they better be there and they better as hell be doing something more similar to my long runs, and not half the distance like the other group.  the first meeting is tonight and since the temperature is guaranteed to be at least 10 degrees warmer at night than in the morning, i think i may end up running at night from now on anyhow.  this morning it was 18 degrees so that quickly convinced me not to head out there and just wait to meet with the group later.

i would love to start bitching about how disappointed my clinical here has made me so far but i'm trying not to dig this ditch of despair so early in the game.  i'm here for 2 months so i might as well at least pretend i like it so it goes by fast.  i'm still getting the feel for what the culture is here.  cincinnati is so spread out and each exit looks different from the next.  at least i haven't been in an area where i felt unsafe.  i think living in richmond has prepared me for the slightly rougher areas anyhow.  i do know one thing, i would have been able to relate to pretty much everyone here so much more here if i had followed football.  but i like other things and they are just going to have to deal with it!  everywhere i go, people are talking about and watching football.  i don't get it.  i try to explain to them that vcu nor richmond have football teams so i don't really care about football and they just kind of make this awkward look on their face like they're not sure what to talk to me about in that case.  there IS a world outside of the nfl and it's a hell of a lot more interesting.

the people i'm staying with are wonderful hosts and have been extremely helpful.  they have this cute little dog named kona who is probably going to be my lifesaver here.  he is always so happy and get so excited when he sees me so at least i feel like i'm getting love from someone... even if it is small and fluffy.

closing time

tonight marks the conclusion of my first clinical in my last year of pt school.  while frantically packing my car and cleaning mitch's room, i began to reflect about how much i really enjoyed living there for the past 2 months.  i ran two of my best races, lived with an incredibly nice guy, learned my way around virginia beach, got to see the ocean daily, met some really interesting people, read 'a walk in the woods', joined a local gym filled with incredibly loyal customers and loose canines, and discovered a lot about myself as a therapist as well as a person.  i really am going to miss living there.
man, seeing the beach every day was such a treat.  every time i was out on a run, i made it a point to catch part of the oceanfront.  seeing the water, hearing the moving waves, and catching the sunrise casting along the shoreline never got old.  i loved watching the beach transfer from those random warm days in october to the blistery days in december with the holiday lights on display.  this morning before clinic, i ran on the beach covered in snow.  the snow was packed down enough so that it was a soft ride but not too soft.  the sky was filled with different colored clouds that left patches of blue in between each other so it was so beautiful.  the sun shot different rays all over the place like separate daggers.  i was blown away and felt so thankful to be there for that moment.
these past 2 months have flown by and i know the 2 weeks i have off for winter break are going to go even faster.  i am really looking forward to cincinnati.  i love exploring these new places that may not seem exciting to most people but to me, they are unmarked territory waiting to be claimed!

gym burps are gross

being that this week is supposed to be a little break from running, i decided to hit wareings gym.  that place cracks me up with its old equipment, old building, and mostly old people that go there.  some people looked like they were around my age but they were few and far between.  i felt like i got weird stares from many because i wasn't someone they're used to seeing every day.  all of these people know each other!  it's pretty amazing for fellow committed gym goers, not so much for visitors.  i rowed a little then jumped on a stationary bike for a little more.  the old man next to me was so kind as to burp every few minutes, which was easily smelled and practically tasted by his cycling neighbor, me.  i wanted to throw up.  afterwards, i decided to meander around looking for the typical weights or machines i usually do when one of the family member workers (the same guy that gave me a tour of the place in the beginning) came up to me asking if i'm just there to do random stuff.  i was trying to explain that i was resting from running and he kept egging me on about why i'm there doing what i'm doing so finally i said, sounds like you're trying to go somewhere with this.  next thing i know i'm doing this mini circuit of single leg squats, side lunges, and jumps.  so much for resting my legs.  they were nice and shaky from that treatment.  i have plans to revisit the gym in the morning but i can already feel the aches coming on all over my body.  that's not going to go over so well by 7 a.m. but when i can't run, i have no other choice but to return to that little place.  all in all, it was nice being around people that weren't complaining to me about whatever pain they were having.  it almost made me regret not going more during the past month and a half i've been here... almost, not quite.

2 more to go

the weekend is already over!  they're notorious for acting that way.  i ran the surf n santa 10 miler on saturday and it was a great race for me.  the weather and the wind were a bear but i was satisfied with my time of 1:06.  the weird thing is i really think i could have gone faster but i didn't know how hard to kick in the end because there was a weird wrap around to the finish line, which was inside the convention center.  on top of that, i had to weave through the people that were heading towards their 7th mile so that slowed me down a tad as well.  excuses excuses.  so this will be my second to last week living at the beach.  i can't believe it has gone by so quickly.  i have gotten to know virginia beach so much more than i ever thought i would, which has been so nice.  i'm not sure if i like it here because i know i'm not staying long or if the place has truly grown on me.  living at the beach in the late fall/early winter can never be appreciated to it's potential in the summer but i have made the most of it.  when i think about it all, i just get really tired.  i have been challenged almost every day at my clinical, trained for and ran two of my best races thus far, and saw one of my favorite artists perform, joanna newsom.  i have spent time with old friends, got to know new ones, and found places i never knew existed.  

i'm optimistic about the future.  anyone who is not is a fool.