closing time

tonight marks the conclusion of my first clinical in my last year of pt school.  while frantically packing my car and cleaning mitch's room, i began to reflect about how much i really enjoyed living there for the past 2 months.  i ran two of my best races, lived with an incredibly nice guy, learned my way around virginia beach, got to see the ocean daily, met some really interesting people, read 'a walk in the woods', joined a local gym filled with incredibly loyal customers and loose canines, and discovered a lot about myself as a therapist as well as a person.  i really am going to miss living there.
man, seeing the beach every day was such a treat.  every time i was out on a run, i made it a point to catch part of the oceanfront.  seeing the water, hearing the moving waves, and catching the sunrise casting along the shoreline never got old.  i loved watching the beach transfer from those random warm days in october to the blistery days in december with the holiday lights on display.  this morning before clinic, i ran on the beach covered in snow.  the snow was packed down enough so that it was a soft ride but not too soft.  the sky was filled with different colored clouds that left patches of blue in between each other so it was so beautiful.  the sun shot different rays all over the place like separate daggers.  i was blown away and felt so thankful to be there for that moment.
these past 2 months have flown by and i know the 2 weeks i have off for winter break are going to go even faster.  i am really looking forward to cincinnati.  i love exploring these new places that may not seem exciting to most people but to me, they are unmarked territory waiting to be claimed!

gym burps are gross

being that this week is supposed to be a little break from running, i decided to hit wareings gym.  that place cracks me up with its old equipment, old building, and mostly old people that go there.  some people looked like they were around my age but they were few and far between.  i felt like i got weird stares from many because i wasn't someone they're used to seeing every day.  all of these people know each other!  it's pretty amazing for fellow committed gym goers, not so much for visitors.  i rowed a little then jumped on a stationary bike for a little more.  the old man next to me was so kind as to burp every few minutes, which was easily smelled and practically tasted by his cycling neighbor, me.  i wanted to throw up.  afterwards, i decided to meander around looking for the typical weights or machines i usually do when one of the family member workers (the same guy that gave me a tour of the place in the beginning) came up to me asking if i'm just there to do random stuff.  i was trying to explain that i was resting from running and he kept egging me on about why i'm there doing what i'm doing so finally i said, sounds like you're trying to go somewhere with this.  next thing i know i'm doing this mini circuit of single leg squats, side lunges, and jumps.  so much for resting my legs.  they were nice and shaky from that treatment.  i have plans to revisit the gym in the morning but i can already feel the aches coming on all over my body.  that's not going to go over so well by 7 a.m. but when i can't run, i have no other choice but to return to that little place.  all in all, it was nice being around people that weren't complaining to me about whatever pain they were having.  it almost made me regret not going more during the past month and a half i've been here... almost, not quite.

2 more to go

the weekend is already over!  they're notorious for acting that way.  i ran the surf n santa 10 miler on saturday and it was a great race for me.  the weather and the wind were a bear but i was satisfied with my time of 1:06.  the weird thing is i really think i could have gone faster but i didn't know how hard to kick in the end because there was a weird wrap around to the finish line, which was inside the convention center.  on top of that, i had to weave through the people that were heading towards their 7th mile so that slowed me down a tad as well.  excuses excuses.  so this will be my second to last week living at the beach.  i can't believe it has gone by so quickly.  i have gotten to know virginia beach so much more than i ever thought i would, which has been so nice.  i'm not sure if i like it here because i know i'm not staying long or if the place has truly grown on me.  living at the beach in the late fall/early winter can never be appreciated to it's potential in the summer but i have made the most of it.  when i think about it all, i just get really tired.  i have been challenged almost every day at my clinical, trained for and ran two of my best races thus far, and saw one of my favorite artists perform, joanna newsom.  i have spent time with old friends, got to know new ones, and found places i never knew existed.  

i'm optimistic about the future.  anyone who is not is a fool.

hmm

today was a trying day.  i felt sad, alone, frustrated, you name it.  i eval'd someone and got stumped.  when that happens on top of a day when i'm just not feeling optimistic, i start to spiral to a bit of catastrophic thinking.  i wanted to go home, put on my pj pants, curl up on the couch, call guy to tell him i miss him, and daydream about going on an adventure.  then i would feel better.  but instead, i glanced at the clock far too many times and ate way too many chocolate kisses in hopes that that would make the time go by faster.  it didn't work.  however, it did give me a nice nasty stale sugar taste in my mouth.  i really need to cut back on those things.  when i got home, i heated up some leftovers, had the nightly cup of frozen yogurt, and headed to my room at the ripe hour of 8:15.  wow.  and about calling guy?  definitely can't do that.  he is furious with me, of which i can totally understand.  i get mad at myself plenty of times.  i'm trying to think of something i can do every time i think about calling him so i will be too distracted to do so.  my first thought was push-ups.  and then i figured well hell, i could do push-ups and abs.  i'm feeling far too lazy to do either of those at the present being so i'll put that on my list of things to do for future meandering thoughts.

thanksgiving

i just got sucked through the time warp of thanksgiving and finally landed back in my va beach bed.  my grandparents were visiting for the holiday so my days consisted of sleeping, eating (a ton), running, and spending time with the family.  my nights consisted of drinking.  that's odd to me because i don't really drink that much.  maybe it was the thrill of seeing old friends or just knowing that i was on a mini-vacation and i needed to celebrate as such.  it was great to see everyone.  i learned a lot about people and in turn, myself.  one of my major conclusions from numerous conversations and my own thinking is that i was very selfish in my own relationship.  and i thought, if i truly cared about someone, i would want them to be heading in a direction that is best for them.  well as long as i was unsure about my feelings, i was not going to be that best direction.  if someone is willing to put in the time and effort to make things work then they deserve someone who will return the same gestures without question.  if i know i am not right for someone, i am not doing them a favor by staying with them.  yes, i love spending time with them so i enjoy when we do and that's what i mean; i'm being selfish.  there is someone else who is better for him.  i don't know who, but i know they exist.  i need to let that connection happen.  i am going to stop being selfish.  i know this is the right thing to do.

good results

I ran the race of my life yesterday.  It was the McDonald's half marathon in Richmond.  I ran a PR by 7 minutes, coming in at a time of 1:29.  I couldn't believe it!  It felt so good.  I think working on my breathing has really helped in addition to running against this ridiculous wind down at the beach.  This time qualifies me for the NYC marathon.  I alllmost registered for it today but Guy advised otherwise.  I'm running Boston in April so I suppose that is a quick turn around for another marathon.  Maybe I'll do it some other year.  Mom, dad, and John ran the 8k that started 30 minutes before I started my race.  They did really well!  I'm really proud of them and Joe for becoming more and more active.

This week marks the half-way mark of 1 out of 3 clinicals.  I am so pumped.  This clinical has been pretty enjoyable because I am learning about PRI for the first time and I find it extremely interesting; something that I will most definitely use when I'm a therapist.  I'm starting to actually believe that I'm going to be an effective clinician, which is nice.  Things always go smoother when I stop resisting myself.  It sounds strange, but I do it often.  Why?  Because I don't have the confidence and I just don't believe in my capabilities.  It's a terrible habit.  But like with running, the more I practice, the more I understand.  Once I understand, I can take off flying.  

I have picked up the book 'A Walk in the Woods' and I am starting to grow the itch for hiking the AT.  A week or so ago, I met a patient who has actually hiked the whole thing and I thought, well this isn't just coincidence.  I am going to do it!  But 5-6 months is a terribly long time and there are far too many other things I want to do as well.  So I'll settle for a part of the trail.  I could be satisfied for maybe covering a state or two.  There are still plans to bike across the country and backpack around Europe so I have to be selective with how long I can spend doing each.  The reality is after graduation in May, I will take the boards.  After the boards, it will be job hunting time.  But in my world, it's time for adventures!  I don't know how long I could get away with playing that card.  I have been really good about saving my money so it is possible!  When the job starts, my life ends.  At least that's what I've been forewarned.  Ugh I hate growing up.

it's getting chilly

i joined a local gym last night and decided to give it a shot this morning.  aside from realizing exactly how much my upper body strength has regressed since that last time i focused on it (last summer), i got a real kick out of the place.  all the members seem to know each other.  everyone was greeting one another or catching up from the last time they met.  no one was exercising with headphones.  all the workers resembled one another and they even let their family dogs wander the gym area, sniffing out different people and even climbing onto some if they happened to be on the floor stretching.  it was very odd.  i got a little carried away there because i wanted to stay for at least 30 mins. but i knew i had no business working my arms for that long.  i felt like an oddball since i didn't know a soul.  i wonder if it was obvious.  afterwards i went home, showered, and headed to my clinical.  during our long lunch break, i decided to try some hill repeats at mt. trashmore.  holy crap, that is not the type of hill i should be doing.  that sucker was short and steep.  i managed to crank out 12 repeats but that still didn't fill up enough time of hard running as i wanted to accomplish.  with the beach being as flat as a pancake, that's the only hill i've found thus far.  so now i lie in my bed feeling like i have had my ass handed to me.  everything is sore.  this calls for a yoga class.  getting off at 7 on most days definitely puts a damper on things.  

oh and last night!  i had a dream that one of my friends from richmond, jimmy, died and i woke up in the middle of the night crying and all.  even this morning and much throughout the day, i just had this heavy feeling of grief.  i had to reassure myself that it didn't really happen, but it still blew my mind that a dream could have so much impact on my state.  the dream felt so real that my emotions, which are actually real, reacted as such.  so how does that work?  

first week down... 7 to go

so i’ve survived my first week in va beach.  it’s been a whirlwind of going to clinic, running, eating, sleeping, and repeat.  i’m getting the hang of where everything is around my neck of the woods.  this is a huge city so it’s doubtful that i will become familiar with all this town has to offer.  it is surreal that i can run on a boardwalk along an ocean.  when i get out there, i glance at the waves every now and then and think how odd it is that i can look at this same scene whenever i want.  the beach has always been something special that i only get to see on vacations but now it’s a daily ritual.  very different.  the air smells like saltwater and it’s always windy.  

last night i met up with steph and we went on a halloween adventure, she as cloudy with a chance of showers and i as a caveman.  it was both of our first night out in this town.  it was just like being out anywhere else, really.  she was able to see some old friends from undergrad so that was good.  earlier this week i carved a pumpkin with brandon while we drank pumpkin ale.  ’tis the season!  he cut into the top of the pumpkin at the wrong angle and the only way the top stayed on is if it was crooked.  we decided to play off of his crooked hat and make him a little french pumpkin named pierre.  i really liked the end result.  i never thought i would carve a pumpkin into a french man.  

the clinic is going well.  i get so frustrated with myself so that can stand in the way sometimes.  patience would go a long way.  i especially hate those urges to quit; they come every now and then.  sometimes i spend the day daydreaming about what i would be doing instead.  i have come up with all sorts of alternatives such as being out on some rock climbing or camping adventure, traveling the world, or living in some hippie colony.  okay so the last one isn’t my top choice but it’s just one of the ideas that have popped in and out before.  

i would really like to make some new friends here.  since most of my time is spent around whiney women doing exercises, i don’t think there is much of a chance for that to happen.  there are a few stops i have yet to make which would be good potential friend-making joints.  there are two local running stores i’ve been meaning to check out and a local gym i may join, depending on their student rates.  

today was a gorgeous day, high of 70.  it may be one of the last of the season and i’m afraid i wasted a good portion of it digging through racks in tjmaxx.  considering my long run this morning was a train wreck, i never really took the time to enjoy the outdoors.  it’s funny how i’m getting more of a tan now than i did over the summer.

new home

i have had a wonderful day in va beach; my second day as a beach resident.  i woke up this morning to see a couple of missed calls from theresa and a notification on facebook that she and tony were engaged!  i couldn't wait until it was a less rude time to call and tried calling her back at 7 a.m.  thankfully she called back about 15 mins. later so we could do some squealing.  i'm really happy for her.

afterwards, i dressed into my running clothes and headed out to first landing park.  i was a little disappointed to discover it was 5 bucks to get in but i figured, i've already driven out there so might as well go.  it was beautiful!  i ran a long run through a well-kept trail that led through bits of marshes, swamps, and small grassy fields all covered with trees and moss.  i would love to go back but i think i will still to the free oceanfront for the most part.

once i showered, i drove around for a long while to do some exploring and to find a tj maxx to return a dress.  there is everything you could possibly need in this area; tons of stores and restaurants!  i came back to make a sandwich and then headed to the ocean on a little red beach buggy bike.  the oceanfront is a mere 5 minute bike ride from the house.  it was an amazing 76 degrees out there.  the water was absolutely freezing but there were still some that were able to brave the cold and dive in!  to top it off, a school of dolphins swam by.  it was the perfect day.

i feel so lucky.  i'm living in a beautiful place with an incredibly nice housemate.  he is unbelievably helpful and hospitable.  he has made me feel completely welcome and i am so grateful.
i start my clinical tomorrow.  last night i read some information my c.i. sent me about postural restoration and my mind was pretty much blown.  i have never heard of this kind of therapy before so i'm eager to see what it's all about.