thanksgiving

i just got sucked through the time warp of thanksgiving and finally landed back in my va beach bed.  my grandparents were visiting for the holiday so my days consisted of sleeping, eating (a ton), running, and spending time with the family.  my nights consisted of drinking.  that's odd to me because i don't really drink that much.  maybe it was the thrill of seeing old friends or just knowing that i was on a mini-vacation and i needed to celebrate as such.  it was great to see everyone.  i learned a lot about people and in turn, myself.  one of my major conclusions from numerous conversations and my own thinking is that i was very selfish in my own relationship.  and i thought, if i truly cared about someone, i would want them to be heading in a direction that is best for them.  well as long as i was unsure about my feelings, i was not going to be that best direction.  if someone is willing to put in the time and effort to make things work then they deserve someone who will return the same gestures without question.  if i know i am not right for someone, i am not doing them a favor by staying with them.  yes, i love spending time with them so i enjoy when we do and that's what i mean; i'm being selfish.  there is someone else who is better for him.  i don't know who, but i know they exist.  i need to let that connection happen.  i am going to stop being selfish.  i know this is the right thing to do.